How to Tame a Raven
by branewurms
Summary: Short fic. This uh, might not make a whole lot of sense if you haven't read chapter 28. Sharon gives Alice romantic advice; Break interferes; Raven suffers the consequences, as Raven is wont to do. Alice x Raven - yes, you read that right!


-

"It's kind of lonely over here, isn't it?" said Oz.

"Why do I have to stand here?!" Gilbert demanded.

"What about me?" screeched Emily. "I'm a girl, I'm a girl!"

"Now, now, Emily," said Break, consoling. "No one is saying that you aren't a proper maiden."

They all stood in various degrees of annoyance and dejection in the exile of the corner, while Sharon clung to Alice and exuded a glittering aura of maidenly radiance. The men were not allowed to interrupt. Break started inching along the length of the wall towards the two women.

"Um, Break?" said Oz. "Are you sure that's okay?"

Break just waved him to silence.

"So," beamed Sharon. "You're saying that Mr. Oz seems to be too close to his servant for your liking, then?"

Alice nodded. "Like I said," she sniffed haughtily. "_I'm_ Oz's master, so Oz should only be looking at me, right?"

"Well, I suppose that's a problem," said Sharon, placing a thoughtful finger against her lips. "Hmm. Suppose you think of it like this. Mr. Gilbert is Mr. Oz's servant, right?"

"Right..." said Alice, unsure of where this was going.

"And Mr. Oz is your servant, correct?"

"Right."

"Well then! That solves the problem, doesn't it?"

Alice blinked. "What?"

"If Mr. Gilbert belongs to Mr. Oz, and Mr. Oz belongs to you, then doesn't that mean that Mr. Gilbert _also_ belongs to you? Wouldn't it be all right like that?"

Alice's mouth dropped open. "Ah, that's right," she said, hitting her fist against her palm. "Still, making that seaweed-head do as I say is going to be pretty hard."

"Ah, Ms. Alice," said Break gleefully, "I think I can help you!"

"Hmph," said Alice. "What would you know about it, you stupid clown?"

"Mr. Break," said Sharon, her smile turning dangerously sweet. "Didn't I tell you to wait over there?"

"Well," Break said, ignoring Sharon, "how did you make that kid into your servant? Can't you do that with Mr. Gilbert, too?"

"Huh? You can't form a contract with two separate humans, stupid -"

"No, no," said Break, waving his hand. "That's not what I mean. That shouldn't be necessary anyway, since he's already the kid's servant, right? What you need is a -" here Break leaned forward, lowering his voice. "- a _symbol of dominance._"

"Wait just a moment, Break!" Sharon protested, catching on. "What are you telling her?"

"A 'symbol of dominance'?" Alice wondered.

"Yes, yes, like with Mr. Oz," said Break. Then he cupped his hand around his mouth and whispered into her ear.

Her eyes went wide for a moment; then her features slipped into serpentine vision of glee. She crossed her arms, rubbing her chin and scheming. "It's not like I want to do that with that stupid seaweed head, but... That might just work," she murmured. "Maybe you had a good idea for once."

"Break...?" said Sharon, her voice encrusted in sugar. "Could you come here for a moment, please?"

The bloody lump that had been Break twitched as Alice made her way over to the other two boys. Planting her feet wide, she pointed up at Gilbert's face. "You! Seaweed-head! I have something to say to you!"

"Hah...?" said Gilbert blankly.

"You - no, wait a second," said Alice. She walked back to the table, then grabbed a chair and dragged it back over in front of Gilbert. Upon climbing on top of it she found herself half a head taller than the man. "Perfect," she decided, lifting her arm back up to point at him again.

Gilbert reared back lest he lose an eye. "Watch it, you stupid rabbit!"

"You!" said Alice dramatically. "You're that brat's servant, right?" She swiveled her finger so that it now pointed at Oz.

"Ah... Yes?" said Gilbert.

"Then you have no choice! That brat belongs to me, so that makes you my property as well!"

"Wha -" spluttered Gilbert. "Do you want to die?!"

His hand was already on his gun when she reached out and grabbed him by his hair, pulling him closer. "I already said it, didn't I?" she said, smirking. "You don't have a choice."

"Like hell I don't, you stupid - mmph!"

And with that she had sealed her mouth over his.

Everyone in the room froze, staring. Gilbert had gone completely rigid, his eyes wide enough they looked in danger of falling out of his head.

"A... Alice?" Oz stuttered.

"Wow," said Break from the floor. "She really did it..."

Sharon said nothing, and hit Break again with the fan.

"Mghmfff!" said Gilbert, his arms flailing.

Alice finally released him, and he stumbled backward until his back hit the wall. "Wha... What..." he said, twitching, his face gone sheet-white.

"Alice..." said Oz, his cheeks pink. "You..."

"Feel honored, seaweed-head," said Alice, her arms crossed in satisfaction. She hopped down from the chair and pulled it back over to the table, and proceeded to sit down and devour her cake. Gilbert slid slowly down the wall.

"There, there," said Oz, patting his head consolingly. "Getting kissed by a cute girl can't be that bad, can it?"

Gilbert choked, his face turning from white to red.

"Oh well," said Break as he limped his way over. "That's too bad. I think she broke him."


End file.
